The Average Sexual Experience for a Heterosexual Woman

Thesis: I’ve lost my virginity seven times and still haven’t managed to lose my vagina.

1: The Breaking of the Hymen

  •  I didn’t even bleed. The dryer ate a sock.

2: Lesson on ‘Romance’

  • Strawberry Shortcake underwear near my ankles, he pulled out.

3: One-Night- Repeated Stands

  • He lived with his parents, we fucked to Bill Withers’ ‘Use Me.’

4: Soul Mates

  • Two pumps. Two months. That lasted long.

5: First Time Initiating

  • Freshman in college. He still loved his ex. His dick didn’t work.

6: Older Man

  • 25, told me to ‘suck it.’ It was unreciprocated. He says he still loves me.

7: Ex-Boyfriend

  • ‘No one will ever make you feel like that again.’

Conclusion: If I lost my virginity, each man must have found it, in their own special way.

Alex Brandow graduated from Central Michigan University in May with a Bachelor of Science in English: Creative Writing. She struggles with third person bios, and is just starting to release poems into the publishing world. In her lifetime, she plans on leading a revolution one poem at a time.

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