Ho​w to date a ​midwife

Number one
know female anatomy..
really though
..know that the labia majora and labia minora not only differ in size and shape
but in nerve ending count!
and clitoral tissue exists underneath the labia whaaaa?!!??
the female orgasm extends into the cervix which is the most beautiful reminiscent
of a pink donut
and donuts are delicious!!

2
don’t be scared of blood
don’t shrivel next to iron stomachs
don’t quiver at the sight of pain
stretch marks are just the extension of growth understand
dirty
inappropriate
nasty
sexual innuendos and jokes

3
communicate
with your eyes, elbows
toes and nose
her second language is body
she can read your wrinkles
xray vision the placement of your hips in any position becareful
because she feels all particles of your pain
if you fill her air with grief
she will offer you flesh dense bones to eat
so let the parts of you that you hate light fires in her she will spit that fire on the end of a stick
build a torch
and walk both of you
down the darkest tunnels of your history
and if you get cut
she’ll stitch you up
…cause you know she’s got a suture kit somewhere

4
Be a night owl
a day bird
adapt quickly
dates, phone calls and sex
may be cut short
so count your time in moons
impress her before the apocalypse comes
cause she’ll be a damn good presence to have around

5
do not shake her fathers hand
unless you understand he is a powerful man he raised a midwife

6
she knows what the beginning of life looks like
and sometimes
its belly full of endings
so commit with her to not add another layer to the taint midwife her

7
catching angels dropping from the sky
involves a little bit of pressure
so don’t waste her hands time
realize that in regards to women being in control of the their reproductive health
she’s on the front lines
so there will be no comparison
about who’s more badass
pay attention to the moon
to the tide
the season
the best time to plant
explore all the definitions of fertile
and ask questions
because informed consent is not a concept
she literally writes protocols on that shit

8
enjoy the blessings in detail
laugh abundantly
smack lips humbly
knock boots vigorously
it is not possible to separate soul from sensuality so don’t try

9
eat lots of pan dulce
coffee, wine, cookies, pastries, chocolate
indulge and enjoy
and make love like the its the closest you’ll ever be to god believe that everything that comes out of you is holy bodily fluids can be holy and gross at the same time

10
be okay if she has to shower
three times in one day
whether its cleaning amniotic fluid out of her hair or bathing herself of all the her she gave away today

11
remember
she is sleep deprived 72% of the time
that you may have to repeat yourself specifically about things that don’t matter as much as……
babies being born

12
when you can
make the bed
leave the sheets open on her side
so that
when she gets home from work to wash the remnants of other lives off her skin
there is nothing left to do but to lie down
and when she is finally sleeping dont
ever
wake her up

  •  This poem originally appeared in Squat Birth Journal.

KaylaJ1bwKayla Q, LM, CPM, EYRT: Midwife, bilingual survivor’s advocate, community organizer, sovereign woman, community health educator, public health enthusiast, BA in medical anthropology, kizombiero, a father’s daughter, charlie’s sister. Poet for SQUAT journal, writing through trauma for survivors in Denver, CO, WOWPS representative for Austin Poetry Slam, 2015, representing Austin Neosoul team at NATS, 2014, self published chapbook ‘Love letters to the skeletons’, 2014. She loves poets, community and is from to South Minneapolis.
 
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